Wednesday, April 27, 2011

pinch me

I couldn't be happier right now!  Well I could be but I can't be greedy...

I have so many good things going on in my life.  Earlier I posted that in the middle of crazy things I felt at peace...  Well I still do.

I am really owning this positive outlook thing.  I don't know why Pippi didn't introduce me to this before, LOL
I wish I could tell my secrets but I can't... not yet anyway.

I have to say I have had to slack on the workout thing this week but I know I will be back in soon, work is taking a lot of my time this last week.  My workout friend will get me back on track, always has my best interest in mind.  Physically and mentally.  I am at the point in workout that I just want more, I expect more from myself, I want to keep getting better and better.  I am looking forward to starting a new workout soon, my workout friend is going to "train me"  not all the time but just to push me and mix it up...  Scary but fun!

Work, well there is just sooooo much going on I will just leave it at that.

BUT I really wish I could express this feeling I have.  People close to me tell me I just seem so happy these days that when I'm around they can't help but be happy with me....  its nice, refreshing.  So pinch me, I must be dreaming!

I'm gonna sit and enjoy my happiness, savor it, relax with it, breath it in as deep as I can!!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

happy easter

Spent the day with the family.  Mom, dad, sister and niece.
This was a very peaceful holiday.  Had good food and some fun conversation.  Enjoyed a little of the nice weather.  Home for a early bed time... looking forward to some serious sleep.  Feel like I need to catch up!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

My life

Today I feel at peace.  Somehow in the middle of all this caous in my life, lawyers and an ex husband.  Grandparent drama, sister drama (divorce also).  I feel at peace.

My decision is what is right for me.  I am happy, I am healthy and I have a future.
I am no longer guessing or hoping that at the end of the day something stable is waiting for me.  I know what is waiting for me.... me.  Whatever I want for me. 

I know this sounds selfish but really if I am a better me now then how could it be the wrong answer.

I breath a clean and free breath.  I have so many things I am waiting to do, waiting to be a part of.  I can't wait for my life to be what I want it to be. 

I once almost gave up, I almost said this is it.  It doesn't matter that I don't want this, it is what I have, I need to be happy with it.  I'm not sure when I started thinking like that but I'm glad I don't anymore.

Having a glass of wine, Here's to me!  Here's to my life!

Monday, April 18, 2011

BREATH

UGH!!!
The last 24 hours have been challenging!
I am a little fragile right now and some of the people I turn to for support are not used to it.  They have been making me feel under attack.  I feel enough of that from the ex.  I don't need it from anyone else!

Then the ex thinks hes funny.  He is pranking me from a blocked number????  GEE I wonder who is calling me at 3 am for and hour.  I think he averaged 40 calls last night.  Little does he know I needed an early start to my day anyway!  Thanks ASSHOLE.

However halfway through my day I hit the wall.   Not the tired one the stop asking me for things one.
I wanted to quit the building I was at, imagine.... well your honor I can't pay him that much because I had to quit my job with all the stress and lethargy he was causing.  Now here is my counter suit for lost wages..   LOL......wouldn't that piss him off.   That would be great!   He would never see it coming.  I wonder if its possible????  HMMMM      Must put this on the ask the lawyer list.

So I had to take a sanity pit stop between buildings.  I spoke to the best listener I know (also my only reader these days which is okay with me).... THANKS PIPPI.
I also text one of the people I was fighting with over the ex....we seem better to day.  I have no more room for fights right now.

I wonder if I can get out for dinner with a friend, have a drink.... That would be great!!

Ok, back to work I go!!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Think positive

So I am trying to be the bigger person, for many things.

I am trying to take my friends advice and live by the philosophy of the universe is connected. 
If you think happy thoughts good things come to you.

I am doing this at work.  Trying not to get involved in all the gossip and silliness that is going on, keeping my focus on what needs to be done not who is or isn't doing what.
Let me tell you, not so easy where I work cause there are SOOOO many not doing what they are supposed to.

In my personal life I chose after my divorce papers came with a huge shock in them not to call my ex and give him a piece of my mind but to focus on what needs to be done and whats good.
So I went with my friends to the wine expo, fun.
Cleaned my house, love a clean house.
Talked with my sister, she needs an ear.
Now I'm planning to work out.
Sitting and dwelling on the bad would only make me regret all the things I did not get done!

I am also trying this with my friends.   Not so easy these days as well.  But I will go no further into that since they may read this...LOL.  I don't want to have to explain anything these days and by that I mean, if I wanted to discuss the negative feelings I have I would.  BUT I am choosing to over look the things that are driving me crazy and smile....

I am feeling good, not dwelling on negative.  Maybe there is something to this after all!!!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Really

OK so the work REALLY has 2 meanings for me at this time.

1st...  I got my divorce papers in the mail today.  You have to be kidding.  My lovely soon to be ex.... thank god is asking for spousal support.   REALLY
So lets review....

He worked for his family, I say the word worked loosely.  As I found out early into our marriage but conveniently not before that he tended to not go to work. 
He didn't have a drivers license for years... and still does not.  This is another fact I did not know.   Who would have thought that someone that drives a car doesn't have a license.  (2 DUI's)
His family business fell apart after our marriage and purchase of our new whom (Which I worked 70 hours a week for while he drank and played cards).... yes I feel like a dumb ass now. 
I was silly and young and thought I could fix him.  
Ladies... DO NOT TRY.  You can't fix anyone!!! 
So next, he basically didn't work more than a few hours a week.  Soooo, I paid 90% of the bills well he cooked and cleaned.  This got old fast but I tried to support him, worried if I didn't he would go off the deep end and also hoping he would get sick of the excuses from the family business and get his ass a new job.

When I finally said enough, he left, he moved in with mom and shut down the business....
He then had the nerve to complain he didn 't have a job....  Again REALLY.
Now he wants me to pay for him to live in the house "we" bought.  FAT CHANCE LAZY ASS.

I am wondering when he will grow up and be a man.... NEVER.  I am hoping NO judge is stupid enough to make the mistake for letting him get away with this crap!

Enough about number 1...

2 meaning.... sorry this one is an inside joke a friend told me.... but its funny and I need to laugh!

Nite
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