Time lines

So I have this strange thing I do to myself.  
I put timelines on everything.   Maybe this is a side effect of my work.  Everything does have a timeline.

But in our personal life time lines don't make sense and tend to cause us to rush and make decisions too early.  I learned this in my marriage as I feel like that is why I even got married.
I had this timeline in  my head.
Get degree, find work, meet man, get married buy house, have family!  Oh yeah must all be completed by 35.  I would have completed all that if not for the whole pregnancy thing.

Obviously thinking back this timeline maybe pushed me to or helped me to keep moving forward even though I knew my husband wasn't ready or wouldn't be successful, so not a good idea.

Now I feel myself trying to do this again.  I am happy mostly where I am.  I would tweek a few things but overall happy.  So why do I feel the need to put a timeline in place again?
My big concern is this timeline could cause me to push or over think things and ruin them.  

Why do it?  Why put this timeline in place?   How can I stop myself?

Between

I know this is gonna sound kind of sad, but I don't mean it that way.

I'm living in this kind of in between state these days.
Almost divorced, but not quite.
Almost in a relationship, but not quite.
Almost at my weight goal, but not quite.
I have a home, but not really.

The big question is........How long do you live like this?   Until you say no more?
Do you say no more cause you feel it or cause you think it?

Some of these things I don't have control over, some I do.
I am ready to move to the next step the not between step.
I guess technically I have been living between for over a year.
I think its starting to wear on me.
I used to not think about being there, It used to be just where I was, now its where I want to move on from.

There are some obstacles in my way and one is fear.
Fear I am making some wrong choices.
People say trust your heart.  I thought I did that before, didn't get me very far.
Now I wonder if it was my heart I heard or something else.  If it was something else what if that's what I'm hearing again?

Ugh......  so many questions, no one answers!!

LOL

present, past, now future

Everyone has a story to tell.  So do I.  I am learning now how my story is told. 
You often hear, I'm glad what I went through it made me who I am today. 
I'm sure it did but what about......  This is me so this is my story.

I mean, everyone would handle the same situation different.  So why not say I shaped it not it shaped me?

My story in the present was like so many.  I was in the middle, I did what I could.  I made decisions unsure of what would happen in the end.  When I was in my story I could not see anything else, I could not see the beginning the middle or the end.  It was like I woke up wrapped up and just had to be.

My story in the past was embarrassing.  So many people judge us for what we have been through and how we have handled it. 
You should have, I would have, I don't know how you could..... 
I knew no other way, I was being me. 
I was supporting someone that needed me.  I had pledged my love to this person and though they were not showing me ANY love in their actions I still gave them me. 
I gave me until I felt I had no more to give. 
This is my past, being embarrassed of my actions. 
WHY?  Why is it soooo bad to be supportive and giving until you have no more to give?

So now my story is my future.  I am still me.  I have given and I made it through.  We did not. 
I'm okay with that.
I am no longer embarrassed because I do realize.  I shouldn't be. 
Why should I be embarrassed to have given so much of myself to help another?  Maybe you should be embarrassed that you won't. 

My future is not what happened to me but its how I made it into this...
I will still give, I will still support, I will be there, I will not judge!
I will love!!!!   and I will love BIG!!!!